oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
honey bunches of taint.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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