Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am spending my child support on dildos
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
