No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
