pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
