I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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