bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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