is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
