do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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