Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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