sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
