Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
