FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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