just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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