You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
