i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Houston, we have a blender
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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