Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
