i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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