well I can't set my house on fire every night
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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