I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
