Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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