Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
