he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
