The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
