Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
