I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
