apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
