Too much gin, very little bucket
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
