Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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