3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize