at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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