Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
