Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize