im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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