You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
