I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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