Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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