So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
