My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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