Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
