That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
