please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
