Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
