Can i not drive my cunt home
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
