You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
YAS. BRING CRAB.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize