totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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