i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
