umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
