Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
