i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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