i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
