youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
