It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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