i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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