You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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