I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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