he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
