I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
