I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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