I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
