At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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