the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
